At birth we come with the biological urge to immediately meet our needs-the continuation of the pleasure we knew in paradise, in the womb, however, enter into conflict because we realize that to get love , follow rules, postponing satisfaction - must submit (1) - as we begin to fear our own impulses, desires, our own needs of affection, love, affection , pleasure, for example by separating the child from the mother, the child activates the defense program and is crying maintain their vital signs and survive (2) , if the mother will hurt us, we get sad and neglect is the largest generating dor of suffering, despair and anger that a child may experience.
Following its development the human being encounters a hostile environment that in most cases is aggressive with their physical, emotional and psychological, but the human body as the most complex system of life that exists, has its own mechanisms for survival, protection, defense, therefore, to external aggression in the primal stage or during the course of human development builds its own defense mechanisms.
Here I share an excerpt from the course The Art of Parenting , which addresses this issue and will help us to identify these defense mechanisms, and therefore wrong to identify our patterns, so try not to repeat with our children these patterns acquired during our own childhood, that is to break the cycle of violence.
Defe mechanisms nsa
of Why Bemos learn about defense mechanisms?
One way to understand ourselves and a way of becoming more aware of our behavior with our children is to know something of our defense mechanisms. If we recognize that we are using a defense mechanism to justify what we are doing with our children, it will help us see more clearly in our thoughts and feelings, this may help us not repeat the bad things that we lived when we were children. By doing this, we become more aware of our behavior with our children and also in many other relationships we have.
all use defense mechanisms to protect us from thoughts or feelings that we do not feel comfortable and that we'd rather forget. Defense mechanisms only allow unconscious thoughts or feelings expressed only indirectly in a disguised form.
mechanisms defense help us cope with unpleasant aspects of reality but too much confidence in them can cause problems .
Several defense mechanisms
preventing painful or dangerous thoughts that enter our consciousness.
Repression is unconscious, for example, many people do not remember most of his childhood, is quite common to suppress certain memories, which means somehow you can not access them. Sometimes, some very painful events are repressed for years and sometimes these facts supervene or activated as a result of any event. But in some cases these repressed memories are forever.
Some people begin to have repressed memories of childhood when they become parents, because they are in an experience similar to one experienced as children.
Suppression
Suppression is a conscious, we prevent certain painful thoughts of hurting removed from our ideas, thinking about something else. In this case, we know that a memory, an idea, a feeling comes to mind, but we do everything possible not to pay attention to it.
Sublimation
Transforming deemed unacceptable needs and ambitions into action more acceptable. In fact, sublimation is the redirection of a feeling towards a productive social activity, for example, write a poem about anger when one is angry.
This defense is actually quite useful and can be a conscious or unconscious act. Someone who feels anger really is sad or you can go to the gym and do an intensive training, which will soothe their feelings repressed.
Projection
This is attributed to others our own thoughts, feelings, impulses, etc. that are unacceptable.
For example, a jealous husband might call his wife of infidelity, but in fact the one who wanted to have an extramarital affair but he can not confront their own desires. The projection is used most often by parents and the examples are numerous, such as a mother going to say that your child cries because he is tired when in fact it is she who is tired.
To prevent the cause of anxiety and an unacceptable impulse, one could replace him with opposition over emphasized.
For example at a time when there is intense friction between a boy and his mother, everyone can become angry and exaggerate their blood samples affection and being too affectionate and very friendly. The feelings and actions that result in a formation of the reaction are often excessive. For example, a man who is addressed and an image expressed in the extreme "male" may be trying to suppress a questioning sexual orientation or homosexuality, or a person who is attracted to someone of the same sex may develop a hatred towards homosexuals.
Another example of the formation of a reaction is easily seen by observing an older child with his sister. He might want to kiss her too hard which makes mourn or squeezing too hard to embrace their parents must depart from it.
Displacement
redirection of our drive (often anger) from their real purpose (because it is too dangerous) to a safer target but innocent. The classic case is the worker frustrated that the employer can not cry, but goes home and yells at his wife, who in turn calls out to his son, who kicks his dog. Noting
children, we can very easily see this defense mechanism, the child with anger or rage by the arrival of a new baby home, takes out his anger in the classroom, or to a friend, rather than with the baby.
pounds a person from the anxiety of guilt perfectly reasonable excuses for their unacceptable behavior. A father who beats his son justifies it unconsciously convince himself that he is the child's own welfare. By doing this, is removing the anxiety that may occur after this event.
This is an important defense mechanism that makes us understand why this is so often used in our society. This is only because people stay connected to the death and suffering caused by hitting the child and that these people can see through the rationalization and stop such behavior.
In another example, a parent may say that the beating he gave to his son that it hurts more to his son, as a way justify their behavior.
avoid seeing certain aspects of the life of a person not to make her feel uncomfortable, inferior, inadequate, or indifferent. The refusal may be conscious or unconscious, by which a person really can not "see" the truth.
For example, many people have described the denial of the alcoholic family as a family living with an elephant in the room but not see it. Avoided saying that a problem exists. Similarly, the alcoholic often used the defense mechanism of denial, showing as being unable to understand who is drinking excessively. Even when the confrontation with the family they may be unable to accept the reality of his alcoholism.
Hostility
A person can use the hostility to insist and to convince the other person he or she is right, not lies or is innocent. For example, a parent can show their point of view, shouting at his wife and children saying that is the one who is right, he knows what is best. Using the hostility or other things of this kind as threatening to stop the conversation, he feels he has won.
Fun
is a tactic used to avoid the feelings created by an argument or a particular topic or to divert attention and not focus on the problem, this can be done consciously or unconsciously.
For example, a child might tell his mother, "Why are you so hard on myself when others are also involved? I did not hear them shouted at them "or, in another example, when a teenager was confronted about the vandalism at school, she changed the topic" I do well in school. " Other fun tactics include putting an abrupt end to the conversation, ask to go to the bathroom, or even to speak of the temperature.
Minimization
A person uses minimization to see that your problem is not as big as it really is. The person who minimizes often do not tend to learn from experiences or behaviors. By minimizing the impact of particular situations, the person can maintain the denial, it never completely accepts the severity of their actions.
For example, parents who are asked about their methods of discipline that could only beat their children "very gently back." Or parents they are confronted with their adult children about abusive incidents in their childhood may respond by minimizing and say, "Oh, that was not so bad, you survived and you turned out very cute. Never did really hurt. "
The advantages of recognizing our defense mechanisms
know the problems caused by defense mechanisms
It is as if each of us recognize when use defense mechanisms. We can not detect it every time, but being familiar with the common defense mechanisms can understand best use we give to these defense mechanisms and to be honest with ourselves .
defense mechanisms keep us hidden from ourselves and other .
Suggestions on how to act
increase our awareness of what we are feeling, as well as allow others to see that we are feeling much practical application. P in order to increase our awareness, we need to become familiar with our particular patterns of thought, much as our bodies. This is because our body often gives us clues about what we are feeling .
As you practice your knowledge of their particular patterns of defense, could begin to see what effect has his style of defense in all relationships. To do this, you might first describe a situation in which you used a defense mechanism. Look inside and describe how it felt at once.
• Was annoying?
• Were you sad?
• Were you feeling uncomfortable?
• What defenses were using?
• How are you blocking defenses will learn from this experience?
• How this affects the (s) of person (s) involved?
• Does that frustrated him, gave him angry or feel cheated?
• Does that prevented the situation is resolved?
When you think about all this now, which thinks to do to speak honestly from the heart, to remove the blocks of the defense keeping him away from your feelings?
A life plan
now ending this section, is on track to improve parenting skills. You enter with much more confidence in your relationship with your child, with a new understanding and more open to new learning. As you begin your journey to a new life of mother, father, realizes that the questions to which you responded can be asked again and again as your relationship with your child grows. Continuing his work of parents, continue to seek other sources that may help in their own development, there are support groups for parents, books, magazines and Internet websites are all avenues designed to increase your own discovery of yourself as you help your child to discover his own self.
Source: Course Art of Parenting
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Notes:
(1) - Michel Odent in "End of the murder of Christ," referring to how you create the submission by quoting part of the work of Henri Laborit in "L'inhibition de l'action": "... when the behavior occurs fight or flight from an attack, the system, which in this case starts is the "periventricular system", to that extent the "inhibition of action" is a basic behavioral pattern: is the representation of happens when an attack is impossible to respond either by fighting or by fleeing. It is therefore submissive behavior ... .... ".
(2) The documentary Restoring the Original Paradigm Nils Bergman makes clear: when the baby is away from his mother, the baby is put into SURVIVAL.
