Speech For My Fathers 60th Birthday

Avoiding the temptations in our consumer society

Interview with Dr. Elliott Barker

By Jan Hunt

Dr. Elliott Barker Canadian psychiatrist and advocate of children is the founder / director of Canadian Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children (CSPCC) and editor of the quarterly journal Empathic Parenting (no longer published more). His compassion, understanding and enthusiasm has helped parents and professionals around the world to understand the critical need to treat children with truth and respect.

In the 60 and 70, Dr. Barker was the assistant superintendent and clinical director of a maximum security hospital in Ontario, for people with "dangerous mental illness." His experiences there with psychotic patients with their memories cruelty they suffered when they were children led him to focus on preventing child abuse. As he explains: "It is generally accepted that psychopaths are at best very difficult to treat, but we know how to prevent the" diseases non-attachment ", as Selma Fraiberg called. Parents generally seem to be ignorant of that knowledge, so what the CSPCC founded to bring this knowledge to future s father. "

To that end, the CSPCC published the widely read quarterly journal Empathic Parenting for 25 years (1978-2003). Although the newspaper did not publish more, CSPCC continue to educate parents through their site empathicparenting.org . Dr. Barker plans to make the site "user friendly for students in elementary, middle and high school to give as much information as possible about the upbringing of children in the early years. Our goal has always been to reach people before they have children and the website, as a source of school work, could do more than the newspaper. We also hope to have all issues available via Empathic Parenting Internet. "

web site, as newspapers continue to emphasize the dangers of consumerism and its effects on children. As Dr. Barker sees it. "In the 70 the world seemed bent on childcare, in the 90 nurseries seem almost the norm, although it is not healthy . I am not optimistic about a real improvement for the children of the world society to which consumerism is exposed as it is and that some kind of brake was put to it. The priorities of parents with young children is strongly altered in the direction of getting goods services market as if they were necessary and desirable, parents are led to overestimate the care and social status. The values \u200b\u200bof consumerism are the envy, selfishness and greed, these values \u200b\u200bare the opposite of altruism that is required to care for babies and toddlers . "

To avoid the temptations of a consumer society, Dr. Barker offers the following recommendations :

• Raising a child fulfilling their emotional needs for there is a well-developed capacity for caring relationships and little need to compensate for the cravings and emotions things.

• Find a circle of like-minded people to yours, and there are organizations, communities with the same intention, etc. Internet is used to make connections between individuals and small groups of like-minded people like never before.

• Search non-commercial spaces (parks, Christian youth associations, etc.) genuine fun and non-commercial activities (sports, letters, etc.).

• Cultivate an awareness of allergy to all types of hidden advertising, advertising, free, etc..

• Avoid as much publicity as possible - TV, radio, brochures, newspapers, magazines. Is it worth the price content of the exhibition?

• Avoid stores and malls as much as possible

• In a practical sense, the world should give an appropriate value for the upbringing of children, reflecting the state's finances according to the father and otherwise. Each village should have an organization that encourages and Chamber of Commerce that promotes the best for their children.

• before conception expectant parents should know about the importance of parenting as well as know about their favorite sports, music, cars, fashion, etc..

When asked about giving only advice to a couple excited Dr. Barker said, " At the time the child is well underway mostly too late, in the sense that the priorities of parents are too set to disrupt many . They are set in their illusions of a standard of living and what is most valuable to them (usually without realizing it, like fish in water) is to accept their views as unalterable and within which the child should fit. In a philosophical sense, perhaps babies and children should be treated more like the mighty little messengers from another world who must learn . "

(Source: http://www.naturalchild.org/ , Translation: MPS)

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Are you a child of parents who hurt?

plant Parents grains

To be the father you want to be, it is important to look within yourself and discover the ghosts that may haunt you, so you can become more aware of models that you run the risk of repeating their children .

Dr. Susan Forward, a therapist well known who has written many books on the subject of relations related the following questionnaire designed to help people know if they have been reared by parents or not toxic. Some of these questions can make you feel anxious or uncomfortable, it is normal, it might be very difficult to say to oneself, the truth and know the extent to which our parents can hurt us .
Even if it makes you feel bad, an emotional reaction is perfectly healthy. To make this simpler, these questions relate to both parents, even if their answers can be applied to a single parent.
Your answers to these questions can give you some ideas about their own

children

His relations with his parents when you were a child

1. His parents told him "you were bad or worthless? "They insulted him? Are you constantly criticizing?
2. His parents "used physical force to discipline? Have you ever been beaten with a belt, broom or other objects?
3. His parents "were actually depressed or not available due to emotional difficulties or because of physical or mental illness?
4. You "had to take care of their parents because of their problems? His
5. parents did you have anything that you had to keep secret? Have you been sexually harassed in any way?
6. Are you afraid of their parents most of the time?
7. Are you afraid to express their anger at their parents?

Now that you are an adult

1. Do you find yourself in destructive or abusive relationships?
2. Do you think that if someone is very close, will hurt and / or leave him?
3. Do you expect the worst in people? How life in general?
4. Are you afraid that if People learn to know them really do not want?
5. Do you feel anxious when you know the success and at the same time is afraid that someone will find that you are a fraud?
6. Do you feel angry or sad for no apparent reason?
7. Are you a perfectionist?
8. Is it hard for you to relax and take pleasure?
9. Despite their good intentions, do you find yourself acting like their parents?

His relationship with his parents as an adult

1. Are your parents still treat you as if you were a child?
2. Many of the important decisions of your life, do depend on whether they approve or not their parents?
3. Does intense emotional or physical reactions when you spend time or expect to spend time with your parents?
4. Are you afraid to disagree with your parents?
5. Do your parents handle threats or making you feel guilty?
6. Do your parents handle money?
7. Do you feel responsible for the way they feel their parents? If you are unhappy do you feel it is their fault? Is it their responsibility to ensure that they are better?
8. Do you think that it matters little what you do, never do for their parents?
9. Do you think that someday, somehow their parents will change for the better?

Toxic Parents

Overcoming his painful legacy and restoring their lives.

Dr.Susan Forward

More Information

The lasting influence of parental care

(Source: Empathic Parenting )